I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else – A Great Big World

Thoughts:
Guys….it’s been a hot minute. I’m sorry I’ve been slacking, BAD. I knew what song I was going to do for Day 10 when I did Day 9 so I have no excuse. I think writing about this was something I wasn’t looking forward to. Sooo….I put it off. But we’ll get into it so we can get over it and move on, haha.

Thoughts on this song….um heart breaking? Relatable? All the feels? Hard pull to the heartstrings? Um, all of thee above. I really love this album, it has some really great songs that range from happy to sad and silly to serious. I think most of my explanation for choose this song is going to have to come from the memory that is FOREVER tied to it…so here we go.

Memory:
When I was in college, I met this guy (I know, I know…what a start). We became really great friends surprisingly; I’m not the best person at making and keeping friends.. We’d talk all the time and I fell for him so hard. I mean I broke up with my college boyfriend because the feelings I had for this guy were so strong. Then a few months after my breakup, I wrote him this letter about how I had these (stupid) feelings for him but mostly just that I really cared about him as person and just wanted him to be happy. Cringy, I know, I know. I don’t do this ALL the time, okay? I just was putting myself out there because it was eating me alive to keep these feelings from him. I’m a hopeless romantic and I didn’t want my chance at love to pass me by. I know I’m dramatic, you don’t need to tell me. Long story short, he never really said anything in response to it… Ouch, right? After a month or so things went back to normal. We’d text each other all the time, we’d playfully flirt with each other, whatever.

During my senior year of college I convinced him to go to a concert with me near where he lived, so we could see each other and go to an amazing concert (duh). So during my spring break I drove to see him for a day or two. We were going to the concert the night I got into town then I was going to leave the next day to drive to Colorado to spend the rest of the break at my brother’s place. I didn’t know what to expect when we’d see each other; this would of been the first time we met up in person in like 3 or 4 years.

He actually lived an hour or two away from the city the concert was at, so I got a hotel room in the city to make things easier. When I got there I was really nervous and had to take a few deep breaths and talk myself out of freaking out a few times. When he got into town I was trying so hard to keep my cool and put on my best “whatever” / “everything’s chill, man” vibe.

We went Denny’s to get something to eat and then went over to the concert. We awkwardly stood near the back of the venue waiting for the show to start. He saw a few of his friends there so we went to hangout with them. The show was really great. There was a circle pit and I stood behind him and his friend so that rando kids wouldn’t fling into me; which I greatly appreciated them doing (crowds low-key make me uncomfortable, like a lot of other people).

When the show was over we were both on this high because the show was so great and it was a band we really wanted to see and we got to see them together. We went to a gas station and got a bunch of drinks (like tea, water, gatorade – not like alcohol, calm down guys). When we got back to the hotel room we started watching tv…then we started to make out. Which was confusing to me at the time but like I’m not going to turn down an opportunity to make out with this guy I find really attractive and have a huge crush on, okay? So that happens, blahblahblah, and we eventually fall asleep.

He got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and I told myself, “If he comes back and cuddles me then that means he likes me and we could potential become a “thing” but if he doesn’t I’ll move on.” Hey, I didn’t come here to get judged. Again, I am fully aware at how crazy and cringy I am, let me be. When he came back he just laid down next to me and went back to sleep. My heart shattered into a million pieces but I said, ” Okay Universe, I hear you.” and went back to sleep myself.

The next morning we lounged around watching a movie then went to get lunch. After lunch he drove me back to my car and we said our goodbyes. I got in my car and started my trek to Colorado. I held it together pretty well…if I remember correctly. I just kept thinking how dumb I was for thinking we might be a “thing”. It wasn’t until I got into Wyoming and this mother fucking song came on and I lost it. My eyes teared up and I sang my heart out again, and again, and again. This song was on repeat for at least half of my drive. It was so windy driving through Wyoming and there was NOTHING out there. So I’m just cruising down the road, trying to keep my car straight with the wind knocking against, listening to this damn song, low-key sobbing, and my heart just hurting. So that’s why this song makes me sad because of the lyrics, because of the timing, because it was so painfully relatable. I was so sad and hurt but I just didn’t want to love somebody else…I just didn’t.

Have you seen that video of the little boy quietly crying in the backseat while Say Something by these guys is playing? And his dad is asking if he should change the song because the little boy seems really sad? And the little boy says no, he just wants to listen to it and quietly cry? Not only is that ME when listening to Say Something, that’s me every time I listen to this song. I just want to quietly cry in the backseat and not disturb anyone, haha.

Silver lining, I’m still really great friends with this guy and we still talk all the time. But this song will forever remind me of the broken heart I endured from him. (Again with the dramatics, I know. Shut up, let me live my life.)

Favorite Line:
“And now it’s screaming in my head. Oh, I shouldn’t go on hoping. Oh, that you will change your mind. And one day we could start again.”

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